December 2006

And no, I haven’t forgotten the Christmas Story – my own, or the one in the Bible – both will appear on the site on Saturday 23rd of December – or you can get a copy of the Times that day, and find all sorts of fun in the Books Section, including myself, and another story – I shall not reveal all. Well worth the buy!

A December of winds and rain – at least here in Britain. Global warming is to blame, and if I see another daffodil coming up, I shall have to buy it its own fridge. This is all wrong – creatures can’t hibernate, the birds don’t know what season it is, and the first snowdrop has been seen in Cambridge, long before the first snow.

I find this non-winter even more disturbing than the scorching summer.

Nevertheless we shall have to try and be seasonal, even though it feels invented. I don’t mean buying endless gifts that no-one wants and no-one can afford – let that hang. I mean the spirit of Christmas, because there is such a thing, and it is about generosity, forgiveness, re-birth, chances, miracles, even. It can’t be found in December frenzy, but it can be found by refusing to follow the shopping agendas, and creating real space for yourself, your loved ones, and also for those who have very little this year.

I have told everyone I know – except my girlfriend – that I don’t want any presents at all. Anything that comes through my front door and calls itself a present will be ceremonially exploded. I have made an exception for my girlfriend because she will, I hope, find me a small symbol of love, and that is acceptable. But I don’t need chocolates, socks, bath gunk, witty gifts, anything with batteries, anything that calls itself an accessory, like some murder accomplice, or anything to write in, with, or on, or god forbid – about. I shall not be writing about my Christmas presents in the national press – or on my website. Dignity at all costs.

It is partly because I am half away and half here that I don’t want any more stuff – shoving my belongings into storage was bad enough – not because I miss them, but because I never want to see them again. 

If I drop dead, someone will have to go to the storage unit and find out what it all is before they can even get rid of it. What I am down to, in terms of chairs and candlesticks, seems about right. The rule seems to be, we need about half of what we have. 

But what about the admin and the archive? The filing cabinets and the foreign editions of books I can’t even remember writing – in fact, maybe I didn’t write them. I can’t read Finnish or Icelandic, so it may have nothing to do with me at all. It is very difficult to get rid of foreign editions – unless you know of a global Oxfam shop, and I don’t.

Never mind – I like he light living, and am jealous to preserve it, so please promise me Nothing this year.

Debt is at record levels. Mortgage repossessions are on the rise. Barclays has just increased its rate by 3% so that the rest of us can pay for all the cardholders who have defaulted. I am generous, but I really mind about paying for all the crap that idiots have made off with on their moronic shopping sprees.  Let the credit card company pay out of its swollen profits – it was their risk, not mine.

Anyway, I have decided to cancel the card in the New Year as a protest – it is time Barclays had another boycott – irresponsible lending would be a good reason to do it.

But leaving aside all the crap – and there is plenty, this is the season of goodwill , and perhaps a good time to make peace with someone with whom there is a genuine grievance or a misunderstanding?  If Christmas is to have any meaning – and it should – let it be its own message, and not one of fake sentiment or religiosity. The birth of Jesus is about new life, new beginnings, new possibilities, and it happens not when everything is going well, or in a 5 star hotel, or when we’ve just won the lottery, but in there with the animal feed, in the stable, cold and dark and unprepared for. This is a no-frills moment. Anyone can be generous and easy when everything is perfect – but a new chance, for yourself or others, just doesn’t usually happen that way.

Change, when it comes, is often uncomfortable and not at all how we imagined it. The clichés and the sentiment aren’t present in the Christmas Story – we added all that later. An unmarried mother gives birth in a stable – try that now and the tabloids would be after you as unfit, the child would be taken into care and Joseph would be named and shamed – and given a DNA test.

It is an uncomfortable story, and one that is worth a close reading. The moment, when it happens, is never easy, and the miracle we say we long for brings as many problems as it solves, because it demands an entire re-configuration of who we are.

And you thought you could get away with buying a few bath-salts…

If you really have to buy any presents this year, buy books or music or tickets to an exhibition, or give someone a train ride (no cheap flights allowed!) to somewhere they have never been.

I will be buying books for my god-children, and I will give them some chocolates. Other than that, we are going to make our own decorations, and do some carol singing for charity. They are not at all materialistic kids, and I want to help keep it that way.

On the subject of charity – don’t forget me and Ali Smith reading Christmas stories at Oxfam in London on Thursday 14th at 8pm: 12 Bloomsbury Street – wine and mince pies, and give a donation.

The wind is howling outside – sometimes I can’t believe that I am half way through my life, and it feels precious and clear, and not be spoilt by own stupidity. It would be stupid not to live in the moment, which is not to say to live irresponsibly, but to live as fully aware as possible. To live in the fullness of time, and not on its edges. The wind will uproot me one day, and I’ll be gone, so when it comes to pauses – like Christmas, I want to remember what things matter, and what really doesn’t.

So I will use the season for the best of what can offer and prompt, and ignore the cynicism of the rest. I’ll be reading Dickens A CHRISTMAS CAROL, yet again, and listening to Handel’s Messiah, and lots of Christmas music, and you can be sure that on Christmas Eve, I will be tuning in on the radio to the Festival of Carols and Nine Lessons, and opening a bottle of pink champagne, served with my own home-made cheese straws.

Don’t go mad, don’t get tired, don’t be pointless, don’t waste time, this Christmas. Love where you can, help a stranger, and if you are the stranger who needs help, ask for it.

Doesn’t matter if this isn’t your faith, or if you have no faith at all – there is enough here for everyone, and the symbol of Christmas is powerful because it is true – new life, a new chance, a change to the existing order – a Dream, (actually there are 4 dreams in the Nativity story), a Star, a Baby, Love.

If you want to read it again, Matthew and Luke have the narratives – Luke is the one we know best.

Happy Christmas one and all.